Adopting a child is a very noble thing to do and very admirable. However, it’s also important to really understand what you are doing. Especially if you have other children, they can sometimes take it very hard when you start looking into adoption programs and finding out what exactly it’s going to take. They can sometimes feel like you think they are not enough and that’s why you are wanting to adopt. They need to know why you are considering adoption and what it will mean to have an adopted brother or sister. Here are a few ideas for how you can help your kids accept the idea of adoption.
Include them in the process.
One of the most common feelings for a biological child when you start looking into adoption programs is that they feel left out. In order to make them feel more included and apart of things, it’s a good idea to bring your kids to the meetings with the social worker and even to meet their potential brother or sister when the time comes. However, keep in mind that you need to be careful and protect them. Adoption programs can be complicated and you don’t always end up with the first child that you fall in love with. You don’t want your children to end up in that position and have their heart broken if something happens and the adoption falls through.
Encourage them to be open about their feelings.
You won’t know how to help them if you don’t know what they are thinking. If and when your child does talk to you about their feelings regarding the adoption, be careful not to shoot them down. Take the time to listen and really take in their concerns and worries. From that point you can then reassure them and talk through each issue. Don’t blow it off and tell your child that they are just going to have to get over it. This will only cause them to close up even more and become more against the idea of having an adopted sibling.
Make time for one on one dates with each child.
It’s important to make time for all of your children, adopted and biological. Even child should get a good amount of one on one time with you as their parent. Especially in the beginning; your biological child might feel like you prefer the adopted child and then the adopted child might feel left out because they are not biological. Whatever the case may be, this is why they need to make sure that you still love both of them equally and just as much as before. It’s a good idea to spend time with them as a family all together but it’s also good to take a couple of hours each week where you just hang out with them by themselves. Life can get so busy and time goes by so fast, you don’t want to look back and realize you missed out on that part of their lives.
Give your biological children a role with their adopted siblings.
If your kids are older, then they will enjoy babysitting or helping you with the child. Before you get the adopted sibling, you could have them help you decide how to decorate the new kid’s room and buy outfits and necessities for them. After they arrive, your biological kids can help fetch blankets, change diapers and make bottles whenever need be. You’d be surprised at how young children are when they start wanting to help. Even a two year old can bring new diapers and throw away old ones.
If you can do these things with your existing children, then it will help them to integrate themselves in the adoption programs a lot more and really get to know what’s going in. That, in turn will help them to see that there is a lot more to the whole thing than just adding to the family. Maybe seeing how much they will be helping someone else will help them to see what a good thing you and your family are going by adopting a child who needs a family to love and care for them.
